In Memory of Shirley

Memorial Day has never been about loved ones who have passed away for me. Mainly because I have never lost anyone close to me. You see, I am fortunate enough to have even my grandparents alive and well. I realized a couple of months ago that this is not the case for my children. Corey lost his grandmother, Shirley, when he was serving an LDS mission. She died of cancer. When Ethan was just a baby my Mother-in-Law gave him a little teddy bear angel bearing the name "Grandma Shirley." I have always kept it with Ethan's stuffed animals and he has always known it was special. A couple of months ago I went in the help Ethan clean his room. When I walked in he was sitting on the floor holding the angel teddy bear and reading the name on it. He said, "Mom, I don't even know Grandma Shirley." And very softly he started to cry. I was so taken back. Ethan is a tender-hearted boy with emotions very close to the surface, but somehow this reaction to his teddy bear shocked me. I hugged him and told him that I never knew her either. I told him that his daddy would be happy to tell him all about her. So, he put the bear on his bed instead of the normal stuffed animal box so he would "remember to ask Dad about her."
I think he forgot about it the rest of the day, but when we knelt down to pray he began to cry again. He told his Dad the samething he told me about not knowing "Grandma Shirley." Corey and he hugged and cried a bit before Corey began to tell him about his grandma. I stayed there on my knees watching this interaction and I began to miss a woman I had never known. From what I hear about her she was amazing! I would have loved to have known such a woman.
Corey and I have not been to Shirley's grave our entire married life...at least not together. I am not sure of the times he has gone without me. But we knew we needed to go this memorial day...for Ethan's sake. He is filled with so many questions about death that it is hard to answer them all. We decided to take him to see where Shirley is buried. It was a great experience for Ethan.

Izzy (2), Ethan (6), and Ellie (8 mos) in front of the tombstone.

Izzy looking at the flowers.Ethan drew a picture for her. We tied a ribbon around it and he put some plastic carnations in it.

Getting a little emotional.

While we were at the cemetary Corey's grandpa said, "Ya know, she's just not here." He smiled a knowing smile. I thought about the peace knowing the gosepl brings to those who have lost loved ones. That statement would sound so lonely to anyone else, but here was a widower who said it with a smile. Although I am sure he would much rather have her with him, those words expressed a silent gratitude for a loving Father and his perfect plan. I would think that such knowledge is what will sustain me when I am faced with such a challenge.